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Does anyone else out there have trouble with the question “how are you?”
Sometimes when I am asked this question, I feel pressured. I know that the person asking doesn’t want to pressure me, but I sometimes feel like they’ve asked me so many times, the answer should be “better” or maybe they are sick of hearing “I’m still sick/depressed/etc.”
Then there are the times when people ask me this question and I’m not comfortable enough with that person to tell them the truth. “I want to die” isn’t something you tell just anyone. And even if you can tell that person, sometimes the venue isn’t right. For example, when they ask you in the church foyer between services, or during the handshake minute during the service.
Am I the only one that struggles with this?
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The difference between Christian and non: When a nonchristian is convicted of sin, he sides with his sin. A Christian sides with God, against himself. – Mark Dever, as quoted by Abraham Piper, who is live blogging the 2009 Desiring God Pastors Conference.
OUCH! Who am I behaving like?
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Well I couldn’t make my appt yesterday. The roads were impassable and the doctor’s office was closed. I’m rescheduled now for 2/6 at 1 p.m. I don’t know how I’m going to last another week and a half but what choice do I have? I should be grateful, though, since the first appointment the wanted to give me wasn’t until 2/12.
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“Just give your pain to Jesus.”
There are so many things wrong with this expression, I barely know where to begin.
1. Just: it makes it sound like this should be the simplest thing in the world.
2. The whole thing just adds one more thing to the mountain of failures on my part that are the reason I’m still sick. If I’d “just give it to Jesus” then I’d be better. Once again, it’s my fault.
3. Don’t you think I’d give it away if I could?!? What kind of masochist would know how to give it away and not do it?
4. What does this even mean? How does one do this, practically? Without practical instruction, this just comes off like pschyobabble, trite, pat fluff. Worse than useless because it promises an answer but doesn’t tell me how to achieve it.
I don’t think anyone means to cause pain when they say this, but I also don’t think I can be the only one that’s ever been frustrated or hurt by it.
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So, now the weather forecast is looking like it’s going to start icing today, and stay that way until Wednesday sometime. Normally, this would be a blessing, as I could take a few days off work, but there’s the small matter of that doctor’s appointment of mine on Tuesday. I don’t know how I am going to make it if I can’t make that appointment. That’s the biggest thing that has kept me hanging on for the last few days: I have to give this appointment a chance. Now that I feel that chance being pulled away…the grip I have already felt slippery…
Please pray that somehow the weather forecast would be wrong and I’ll be able to go to that appointment on Tuesday.
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Thank you all so much for your prayers. I really feel the Lord sustaining me through them. Feels like a long wait until Tuesday and honestly, I’m really skeptical as to whether another psychiatrist can help, but I have to trust the Lord. What other choice is there?
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Well, I’m home now. I’m going to try to go to bed soon; it’s been an exhausting day. Thank you all so much for your love and your prayers.
Basically, the experience wasn’t awful at the hospital, but I’ve learned that there’s really not much they can do for me unless I’m planning on actually killing myself immediately. In which case, it’s unlikely I’d actually go to the hospital. Oh the irony! But, I am thankful that they got me in to see a psychiatrist on Tuesday at 2 p.m.
Please keep me in your prayers. I’m scared to go to work tomorrow; hoping they aren’t mad at me. And pray that the doctor I see has wisdom and that I am able to tell him what I need to so that he has all the info he needs to make the best diagnosis and the best plan of attack. Also, that whatever plan we come up with won’t cost me my drivers license.
Thanks again for everything.
Well, things finally got bad enough that I decided to go to the emergency room. I’ve been suicidal for weeks and I couldn’t find a doctor to see me. So here I am in a not quite rubber room. My spirits are pretty good, considering. Please pray for wisdom for all the medical professionals I interact with and a plan that will work. I’m trusting the Lord.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Christian hedonism, prosperity gospel, satisfaction
A timely and important message from John Piper. If the prosperity “gospel” doesn’t anger you, you aren’t paying enough attention. If it doesn’t outrage you, you should pray for clearer vision. It’s idolatry, plain and simple, straight from the pit of hell to steal, kill and destroy.
Charles Haddon Spurgeon was one of the greatest preachers of his day. At the age of 20, he became pastor of a rapidly growing church and he regularly preached to thousands. His love for God and His Word continues to minister and exhort today, as his writings are still on the shelves of pastors and layman everywhere. But Spurgeon also suffered from often debilitating depression. You can read more about this depression here.
ERunner, over at More Than Coping posted this quote yesterday, and I thought I should share it here as well. It is a great comfort to me to know that a man so mightily used of God suffered with depression also, and his words about depression are as true today as they ever were.
I know that wise brethren say, ‘You should not give way to feelings of depression.’ If those who blame quite so furiously could once know what depression is, they would think it cruel to scatter blame where comfort is needed. There are experiences of the children of God which are full of spiritual darkness; and I am almost persuaded that those of God’s servants who have been most highly favoured have, nevertheless, suffered more times of darkness than others.
The covenant is never known to Abraham so well as when a horror of great darkness comes over him, and then he sees the shining lamp moving between the pieces of the sacrifice. A greater than Abraham was early led of the Spirit into the wilderness, and yet again ere He closed His life He was sorrowful and very heavy in the garden.
No sin is necessarily connected with sorrow of heart, for Jesus Christ our Lord once said, ‘My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death.’ There was no sin in Him, and consequently none in His deep depression.
I would, therefore, try to cheer any brother who is sad, for his sadness is not necessarily blameworthy. If his downcast spirit arises from unbelief, let him flog himself, and cry to God to be delivered from it; but if the soul is sighing–’though he slay me, yet will I trust in him’–its being slain is not a fault.
The way of sorrow is not the way of sin, but a hallowed road sanctified by the prayers of myriads of pilgrims now with God–pilgrims who, passing through the valley of Baca [lit: of weeping], made it a well, the rain also filled the pools: of such it is written: ‘They go from strength to strength, every one of them in Zion appeareth before God.’
–Charles Haddon Spurgeon: Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit, 1881, vol. 27, p. 1595
