Sorry I haven’t been around. I haven’t been doing well, and when it’s like that, I find I don’t have much to say, or don’t want to say it, or am afraid to say it, etc. I’ve tried to decide which side of bipolar is worse: depression or mania. I’ve learned that it’s neither. The worst is what they call a “mixed state.” It’s all the fun of both bipolar <b>and</b> mania at the very same time. That’s where I’ve been for the last few weeks, and it’s awful.
I visited the doctor last week, and he prescribed a new medication for me. I’m not sure yet if it’s helping my mental health, but it’s sure helping my sleep. I’ve been getting to bed earlier and sleeping better ever since I started taking it.
Thank you all for your birthday wishes. Allan: I haven’t seen 21 in a long time! 😉 I felt much better today than yesterday, and even got to hang out with some friends that wanted to make a cake for me, etc. They said it was not right to be alone on your birthday.
I must say though it’s a strange birthday. Usually, I’m excited about the year ahead. But this time, I’m a bit scared. What if I’m not better in the coming year? What if we don’t get the medications right? What if there’s not healing in this year?
To that end, I am praying (and covet your prayers) about a move. I have a friend (mentor, sister in Christ) in a town nearby whose husband pastors a church there. If I move there I might be able to finish my degree, but the biggest reason to go is for healing. I’ve got some scars that I haven’t shared here, and might never, but they linger and I know they aren’t helping the mental health problems. My friend also has the same diagnosis as me, and such wisdom from the Lord. I know know know that the Lord can use her to help me to navigate these troubled waters.
So, maybe that move will be something exciting and healing in the coming year. God’s will above all, though.