Fear

Things I’m afraid of:

  • That I am so fat my friends think I’m lazy or disgusting when they see me.
  • That friends who haven’t seen me since I gained all the weight will be taken aback when they do see me.
  • That strangers make fun of my when I’m out because of my weight.
  • to go out because of the previous three fears.
  • That I’m annoying because the mania gives me diarrhea of the mouth.
  • That my meds are never going to get right and I’ll feel like I’m on this crazy pendulum forever.
  • That I’m never going to find love because I’m so wretched to look at.
  • That I’m going to get crazier.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

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9 thoughts on “Fear

  1. Rachel my dear first and formost you are not crazy. You are a lovely woman. I know the fears you have I have the same fears all of the ones you mentioned and I have alot of the same problems, You are the most loving person I have ever seen on the blogs. You are always. a blessing to people. I will be praying for you because I can honestly say I know how you feel, I have been pretty low myself lately, On my blog I posted some worship music go listen to it if you want it made me feel a bit better today. just music none of my comments feel free to add a worship song it you want. I love YOu Rachel you know how to reach me if you want to.

    (((((((((((BIG HUGS ))))))))))))))

  2. 1 Sam 16:7: “…For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

    What matters is what the LORD thinks – no one else. You are pleasing in His sight. Those who would judge you because you may not measure up to there standards are shallow…and the standard of judgment they use will be used against them (Matthew 7:2).

    Those who take the time to know you and see your heart…well, that are the blessed ones – who see the real you, they are privileged. No one more so than me; to have you as a daughter; to know your heart; has been one of the greatest joys of my life. I love you sweetheart; I always have…

  3. Okie Preacher
    I wish I would of had a dad like you. Rachel is blessed to have a loving family. I have talked with Rachel she is AWESOME…….

  4. thanks mary and dad. mary: you are very sweet and encouraging. thank you so much. dad: that’s a great verse. everyting i read/hear it, i’m blessed by it, but it’s so easy to forget in the moment you really need it. thanks for the reminder.

    i only posted this so that people would know the kind of lies that swim around in my head. i can’t even embrace them as lies because they are so pervasive. but, this is the reality of my mental illness.

  5. I would fear if I was a Pastor who had his own blog and didn’t have the right link on that blog to his daughters blog!!! :mrgreen:

  6. Rachel,

    Praying you are having a great day today, and that you get some rest this weekend, Let me know about the job you applied for and if you get it. Praying for you here is a big hug from me today

    {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

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