oh the irony.

i have a post i’ve been mulling over for weeks now. i know what i want to write about, i have verses and quotes compiled, but i just can’t write it down. i don’t have the energy or something.

work is so hard right now. i work for a big time coffee chain. you’ve probably heard of it. before this, i worked a desk job for 12 years! so, being on my feet all day long has taken some getting used to. well, i’m still getting used to it! 😉

then, there’s the fact that there is so much to learn! i’m ashamed to say that i’ve been at least a little arrogant about my job performance for the past 10-11 years. i was blessed by the Lord to have jobs that i was really good at, and i did them for a long time. i was comfortable, and i was pretty self-reliant. the Lord has used my feeling of incompetence at this job to show me that i need to grow in relying on Him.

and to top it all off, my boss is not the easiest person to work with/for. i don’t want to go into much detail, but i’ll say that i’ve felt misrepresented, misjudged and misdirected. it’s been so frustrating. i’ve wanted to defend myself! and then the Lord went and slammed me with the realization that when i try to defend myself, i lose no matter what. if i win, i make my boss mad. if i lose, i confirm the misjudgment and i look defensive and foolish. the only way to win is to let the Lord defend me.

outside of work, i’m coming off one of my meds due to a nasty physical side effect that’s become intolerable. even though i’m stepping down gradually, it’s definitely thrown me for a loop. my moods are markedly more unstable and i cry at the drop of a hat! i’m hoping that this is just due to the effects of the change and that i won’t have to go on another antidepressant.

and i’ve got a lot of stressful stuff going on in my personal life. family is having a hard time, etc. i didn’t even realize how stressed i was until i saw my therapist on thursday and she pointed it out to me.

all this to say, i want to write more, i want to be more consistent, i want to interact with you. i’m just beat down right now. i’ll keep trying, but some of the posts might be kind of lame right now. 🙂

keep on keepin’ on, y’all.

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